Koodo Mobile may be encouraging you with the promise of fat-free contracts and spandex-laden workouts from the 80s, but Bell would much prefer to get you drunk and in the sack. At least, that’s the impression the Canadian provider seems to be giving by offering the seductively named LG Wine.

Aside from its fashion-oriented design, the LG Wine also comes with a 2.2-inch internal display, integrated GPS navigation, 1.3 megapixel camera, external speakerphone, picture messaging support, and Bluetooth connectivity. Bell plans to coincide the launch with Fashion Week (October 25), holding a creative contest where you can win a wine fridge.

Interestingly, the LG Wine is neither a red or a white. Instead, the $79.95 (with three-year contract) cell phone will come in black and gold. I’ve never had a black wine.