Hugh Hefner must not know very much about mobile phones, because how is it possible that he would let such a mediocre handset boast his famed Playboy brand? Manufactured by Alcatel, the Playboy phone is about as basic as it gets. Worst still, it doesn’t look special enough to win any “eye candy” awards.

The actual features are rather anemic, getting loaded with a slim SLVR-like profile, 1.3 megapixel camera, and 10MB of onboard memory. Yes, the front face is all purple and stylish, but that’s about all it has going for it. Well, it probably has some pre-loaded naughty girl content, but who wants to squint into such small pixelated boobies.

And you don’t want to know why the keypad is sticky…